Don't You Know That When You Touch Me, Baby, That It's Torture

It's nearly 11am. I'm still pretty out of it. My self esteem is at about zero. I'm clearly adjusting to my anti-depressants again, and it's not fun. Basically, it means that I start to feel normal (not extravagent), and I don't like the way I look. Like, I still can't really get upset. Just disgusted. You know, your average body-hate. I guess it's okay because I don't like in some fantasy world like I've been in for the past couple months. However, at least when I'm imagining things, I don't hate myself.

You wouldn't believe the week I've had. You know how I was complaining (as usual) about how those two guys were getting girlfriends and I wouldn't have any "attention". Yeah, well, I found myself in a dark alley with one of them. It was totally slightly raining, and he stood there with his cigarette, looking all hot and sexy. No joke, he had me up against a wall. It was very, very hot. You see, it's the whole 'neck' thing. If anyone plays with my neck, I get shivers. I'm pretty sensitive there. And then he bit my neck! Right. I was gone. And by gone, I mean incredibly 'in the mood'. We made out for quite a while. Maybe a little more than 'made out', but no nakedness. (No nakedness only because we were in a dark, shifty alley. If we were in my room, on the other hand...) Point is, he asked this girl out, she said no, and things got even hotter between us. He seriously makes me nervous in a sexy way, not in an I-like-you way. I mean, I like him as a friend, but that's really all it is. I promise.

Oh, and I got a credit on my oral presentation. That's pretty good, since it only went for a third of the time it was supposed to, and my written piece with it was incredibly short. I'm serious. Noone clapped for ages at the end because they couldn't believe that it had finished. It probably helped that my teacher is about 70 years old. Now that I think about it, he probably meant to fail me, and placed the ticks in the wrong columns. And then, by the end when he was scoring it, he had forgotten who had just presented, and just (somehow) added up the marks. Chances are, he's on his death bed. I kid you not: he is seriously old.

Oh wow, I'm in a good mood. You see, I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be a comedian (or at least I was in my past life). I mean, I enjoy being the centre of attention, and people laugh at me a lot, so why not. I'm one of those people that always has something to say. Perhaps the fat, funny girl is me? Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Nevermind.

My dad commented on my breakfast this morning. Chocolate yogurt. Don't kick me! It was only 150 cals. I think what I'm going to do (since I'm back in my normal mind), is to start counting calories and all that again. Keeping proper lists of what I've eaten. When I'm highly medicated, my life SEEMS sparkly, and I end up just chilling. Not stressing about food, but not eating it all. Just 'normal'. So yeah, that 28 Day Plan thing maybe. It's my birthday in less than a month, and I must look good for that.