It's 1.38pm. I've been up for a while now. I've had gum (5 cals) and diet pepsi (1 cal). I am babysitting my cousins at 3pm, and then I'm going out for dinner with my friends at 6.30pm - one of my close friends is going to China for six months! I'm quite crushed about it actually. She leaves in a couple days, and I think the sadness about that is bringing back my thoughts about food and calories. I plan on not eating until dinner, and then ordering an entree sized meal. Before that, I will probably have more gum and tic tacs. And perhaps something small while I'm with my cousins if I don't feel well, but I'll try not to.
Anyway, I'm on my dad's laptop at the moment. He and my mum have mine downstairs, doing something with tax that they supposedly couldn't do on this one. I have a link to my blog saved in the task bar at the top, and if they become curious about the word 'dashboard', I will be in trouble. Hopefully they keep to themselves.
My mum has taken to asking me what I've eaten, and asking me when I'm going to have breakfast/lunch. It's quite strange actually. Also, when we're out, she encourages me to eat! She has never done that before. It used to be encouraging me to get something healthy, or nothing at all. Mind you, the only person that has approached the topic of anorexia is my aunty, the one I'm babysitting for today, and that's because her sister went through it to the point of being hospitalised. I guess she is aware of the warning signs. When I go over, she always asks me if I've eaten and leaves food out for me and tells me that I should be careful about dieting and my eating habits. It shows how much she cares about me and how much she notices. Many of our relatives dislike her as she is reasonably strict and comes across as 'popular' - you know, like those girls in school that you don't like, only because they get all the attention. I find myself a lot like her, and I believe that she is my favourite aunty. It scares me, however, that I am similar to her, and I agree with how she is bringing up her children - trying to teach them early and being CONSISTENT in her methods of punishment, unlike my parents. My mum complains about what she does sometimes, but I really do aspire to be like her, and treat my kids how she does.
Wow, I've written a lot. I usually keep my posts reasonably short, but I feel like a have a lot to say.
It's really cold right now. I have goosebumps on my arms. I find that I get cold a lot when I have eaten, and I understand why, but it's still annoying. My fingers are freezing.
And my brother just came home with his girlfriend. I know, however, that I'm supposed to be trying to make an effort with them, but it's still difficult. I'm so used to being annoyed by them. I had to restrain myself this morning when I saw her bathers left in the bathroom. The urge to steal/hide them was incredible, but I left them there. I guess I should be proud of that.
Anyway, I need to straighten my hair. Joy. At least it'll warm my fingers up.
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