Oh, And The Tragedy You Bring

It's just past 4.30pm. Today has been a success so far. Honestly, about 5 minutes ago, I turned down a hot, delicious, fatty, oily potato cake. Somehow.. I'm glad, though. It would have ruined things. At the start I said yes, but a couple minutes later I changed my mind. It's true that if you wait a couple minutes, the craving will pass.

My intake today so far:

• 6 vita grains (168)
• 4 tic tacs (4)
• diet pepsi (1)

So, that's 173 calories so far. No idea what I'm having for dinner, but I'll update later. I'm a little bit worried about tomorrow. My grandmother invited me over for lunch, and she's making pancakes. I just checked the internet, and most websites claim pancakes are around 100-200 calories. I'll count them as 200 each, and then have an ice-block or something in the afternoon before dinner. On that note, I might have an icy-pole today some time, either before or after dinner. Probably before so I'm not starving when dinner comes, to prevent a binge.

Ugh, I told myself that I wouldn't make this blog focus on food and calories and all of that, but it's sort of hard not to write about that stuff. Anyone like me knows that thinking about food and calories is enjoyable. It really is. I borrowed a couple books from the library today, about anorexia, of course. Once again, I find them highly facinating.

• Skinny Boy - Gary Grahl
• Second Star to the Right - Deborah Hautzig
• Skinny - Ibi Kaslik

I'll be sure to write about the books, and let you know if they're any good or not. I really hope they are. I enjoy reading. I've realised it's a form of escape from my own life. As settled as it has been the last couple days, I'm walking on eggshells, and the smallest movement could make everything collapse to little pieces.

I'm off to start a new book. I don't know which one yet. Perhaps Skinny? Update later.

______________________________________________________

You're an asshole.
But I think I'm getting used to you.
I like that fact that you talk incessantly.
I got a thing for assholes who tell good stories.
I think that drinking is the only thing you can do right.
You're gonna self-destruct.
I think that's what I like.